This one isn’t really a National Food Holiday, but some kitchen magic did happen in our house tonight in honor of Mag’s 4th birthday!
It should be known that I didn’t participate in any baking for this event – Ryan took me off cake duty this year after declaring that the tie-dye cake (from a box) Maggie had picked out looked “Fucking hard” and also “fucking dumb” and that “If I let you take over we will just have a brown cake. You tried to swirl once and it turned fucking brown.”
It’s true, I did once try to make a swirl cake and it turned into a shitty brown blob. BUT in my defense, I did also once make a really amazing rainbow layer cake for Ryan’s birthday that turned out AMAZING! It was through some strange miracle, and probably because it didn’t involve any swirling, but seriously – this cake looked like a not-quite-professional made it.
Look at that cake, there’s a lot of love in that cake and I probably *almost* followed a recipe or directions on a box!
Anyway… that’s the first and last time I ever succeeded in baking an edible and kind of pretty cake so it’s for the best that Ryan took this one.
He also found the electric mixer! It was on the very top shelf in our plate/cup cabinet (beyond my line of sight and in the dumbest spot.)
He enlisted the help of the birthday girl – who is potentially better at baking than I am! Mag helped stir in the colors and dictated to Ryan which order they should be added in the pan. At this point, Ryan pointed out that the whole thing smelled a little like play dough… and for the rest of the evening Maggie and Nicky held onto that fact.
While Ryan and Mag worked on the cakes, Nicky had the unfortunate job of rinsing the bowl. While he was doing this, Ryan was gloating in the background about his superior cleaning and baking skills.
Ryan: Take pictures of that! Take note of how fucking clean I keep things. Note the silicone spatch, very essential tool to some people. Then when you’re done, you rinse that shit.. make’s everyone’s life easier…
This was followed shortly by this proclamation from Ryan:
“I’m the fucking cake whisperer!”
Even though saying this goes against all my spiteful feelings and my need to be right all the time…. but he is actually weirdly good at baking. Maybe it’s because he follows instructions or maybe it’s because he doesn’t subscribe to the “willy-nilly or nothing” baking style that I use – but his creations tend to turn out like expected.
We both agreed after looking at the batter in the pans that it looked exactly like the “food” in the dinner scene from “Hook” – where Rufio and the boys imagine colorful food and have an epic food fight.
While I wasn’t allowed to bake the cake, I did assist in decorating it with a can of frosting from the cabinet, frozen strawberries and some sprinkles. All things that were nearly fool-proof and were next to impossible for me to screw up.
His tie-dye definitely turned out better than any swirl I’ve ever attempted.. but it did end up tasting a little bit like play dough. Not the super salty play dough that our neighbors mom used to make from scratch – I mean the weird doughy kind of play dough that tastes like cardboard and food coloring.
Happy Birthday Little Hays, thanks for keeping our lives interesting!
*Fun fact: tonight is also the night we learned that Nicky is more up on pop-culture references than we are. Turns out he and his BFF ‘dab’ “all the time to each other”. Thank God someone in this house is cool.