Fluoride Mind Control

Happy National ‘I Love Food’ Day, aka every day in my life!

What a brilliant idea for a holiday! There definitely needed to be a day dedicated to celebrating the greatness of food.  Have you had food lately?  It’s the best.  It brings joy and happiness.  It brings people together.  Let’s all give thanks for food today!

In honor of the day, and because I’ve made a lot of things I don’t normally make, I decided to celebrate by cooking a ribeye steak with mushrooms and onions in red wine.  Basically the most gluttonous sounding meal I could think of cooking.

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Ryan is typically on steak-duty, but he’s slowly been handing over the crown.  Something about presenting a really well-cooked steak to my family makes me feel like a badass.  Like I can rock being a gentle, loving mom/teacher all day then cook this weird slab of meat like a boss.  I might have some fucked up gender-role issues happening right now.

I always use Alton Brown’s recipe and video for pan-searing steak and finishing it in the oven because:

  1. I’m a little obsessed with Alton Brown.  He turns cooking into a science which is WAY easier for me to wrap my head around.
  2. I don’t know how to light the grill so cooking steak on the stove-top/in the oven is really the only option I have left.

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I wish I had a funny story to tell about cooking this steak, but a girl’s allowed to not screw up a meal sometimes right?

I did come to a very important realization tonight though.  A life altering one really.

When I cook something that doesn’t turn out well, Ryan doesn’t linger at the table very long after finishing – he flees quickly to avoid having to answer the “How is it?” questions…

BUT, when I nail it, he hangs out for a long time and talks!  To be honest, he talks AT me more than with me…. actually, he RANTS at me.  And the better the meal, the weirder the rant.  So instead of a funny cooking story, here’s some thoughts Ryan had tonight after eating a really awesome steak dinner.

Ryan: Oh, we need more toothpaste.  Do they make a non-fluoride toothpaste?

Me: Yeah, Toms Natural.

Ryan: No I mean one that will actually clean your teeth, do they make that?

Me: No I’m pretty sure all toothpaste has fluoride.  That’s how toothpaste works.

Ryan: Well I’m already getting my mind controlled by the fluoride in our water, I don’t want anymore in my life.

Me:…………

Ryan: You know they proved that, right.  It’s true.  The fluoride is for mind control.  That’s how they get you to buy more shit and watch their shitty TV shows.  They did a study.

Me:………….

Ryan: What?! I’m just saying, 3M makes all that crazy shit and the fluoride is probably one of those things.  It’s a byproduct from all their shit that they make and then we just drink it and put it in our mouths.  It’s fucked up.  It’s true.

Me: I love you very much right now.

One thought on “Fluoride Mind Control

  1. This was honestly the most entertaining thing I have read in a really really long time! You capture Ryan’s rant to a T!
    ❤️ Your sister-in-law

    Like

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